LET'S TALK ABOUT (PERIOD) SEX
Sex Ketchup - a haiku
I like to have sex.
My aunt flow can’t stop me, no.
I like to have sex.
Written by Ollie
Sorry, not sorry mom - I like to have sex. Although my loud and proud feelings about it are made possible by my privilege; they have only been recently declared after enduring years of slut shaming from family and friends which led to a lot of self hate. But now, I’m comfortable with my feelings about sex! So comfortable in-fact that I no longer have any qualms to admit that my period can not stop me from enjoying one of my favorite past times. That’s right, I am not against doing two person push ups while parting the red sea.
That is until now - my baby daddy/life partner can not go with the flow. He has described the idea of intercourse during my menses as ‘gross’, ’disgusting’ and ‘yucky’.
As a living, breathing, bleeding, self identifying womxn I took immediate offense to this. How dare anyone put down a perfectly natural bodily function? Why is my vulva beautiful to you every other day of the month? Do you realize without this ‘yucky’ process you wouldn’t even be alive to fuck in the first place?!
I have since come to accept that like all of us, my partner has also been raised within a patriarchal context. He has been socialized to think it is perfectly acceptable to only accept my body as he sees fit; especially when it comes to sex. Instead of seeing my menstrual cycle as a natural part of life he has come to believe that a bleeding vagina is disgusting; a bloody unknown.
In the schools where we actually teach some level of sex education we still only talk to our girls about periods. We aren’t normalizing this perfectly normal process of life for our boys. It’s one thing to not like blood, it’s a whole other thing to say my body is disgusting when it’s just doing her thing.
In my attempt to continue to create dialogue that will further normalize periods I decided to put together this post. Now - as a white and Latinx 30 year heterosexual womxn that has only has ever had sexual encounters with self identifying males I know my point of view isn’t exactly a fresh new perspective. (Plus I needed to validate to myself that I wasn’t tripping - I can’t be the only womxn that feels this way). So I did the most scientific thing possible in 2017- I hit up my peers via text.
My womxn identifying friends range in age from early 20’s to early 40’s, identify as various races and ethnicities and vary in sexuality; but for the most part have been in heterosexual relationships. I asked if they were for or against period sex and also what their reaction would be if their partner said it was disgusting. Here you will find some of their responses and my findings-
For! Don’t always feel like it because of bloating and cramps but definitely wouldn’t abstain just because of that. I guess it depends on on how the person presented it, to me if they were honest and said - look bodily fluids freak me out so I don’t know if that’s for me I could totally respect that, but if they actually said that’s disgusting I would take issue with it.
Ok, personally I’m not very into period sex. I don’t feel super sexy when I’m bleeding, and I don’t really like the mess of it all. However, if my partner were to tell me he was disgusted or grossed out by it I’d give him the boot because I jut find that to be incredibly immature, insensitive, and selfish reaction.
We have period sex; but I’m on the pill and (do it) more towards the end of the week… if (name removed) would say that’s ‘gross’ or ‘disgusting’ I would need an explanation why because we are all adults and we all know women bleed once a month. And don’t be expecting me to suck your dick that week if you can’t fuck me on the rag.
I never have sex in the first two days out of respect to the V give her some time to clean herself even in my old ultra horny days… also a guy in a committed relationship will take the opportunity to cum inside you because they know you can’t get pregnant which is totally maddening because the ph of your V changes when there is cum inside and so does the smell is 100 times worse when you have your period… I have never personally been with a guy who was disgusted or called it gross in my face or share such thoughts. For the most part a boyfriend will have sex with you no matter what.
I found that a lot of my lady peers also agreed that doing the dirty while surfing the crimson wave can be incredibly messy, and because of that they themselves aren’t the biggest fans. However; messy and disgusting are two very different things.
Not a fan because of mess. I don’t want him to think I’m gross but simultaneously I think it’s messy. If he said that ‘it’s gross’ I’d probably be offended.
When it’s light towards the end. I prefer not too, but don’t mind.
Great at relieving cramps but too messy.
For it but personally don’t do it because don’t want to deal with the mess. If someone says it’s gross I go in on them. It’s natural and without it your ass wouldn’t be here.
The second interesting (and perhaps more entertaining) finding was the grossed out reaction of partners AFTER the deed is done.
I think it’s completely normal. Partners cool with it but grossed out reaction afterwards.
What do they expect, glitter coming out of the pussy?
Dudes want the kitty and don’t care about the sex ketchup until they see the sex ketchup.
I was even presented with a devil’s advocate argument -
But I wonder would I have sex with a bleeding dick? Probably not because that means they’re sick and shit. But if a dude bled from his dick like a man period I don’t know if I’d fuck them.
All in all, I felt validated after talking with my friends. I know I am not alone in being down with some pants-off dance-off during shark week. The only disgusting thing about it is body shaming someone for something that comes naturally to them and/or forcing a partner to do something they might not be down to do. What are your thoughts? Send us your comments and tell us what you think!
As for me, I’ll continue to believe that a period shouldn’t stop nothing but a sentence.